I can't believe I'm hearing this song for the first time even though it's been around since 2007. I heard it on the radio this morning and it was a great inspiration to me. I therefore went online ot get the lyrics!
Thank Mary mary for helping me put words to what i am feeling right now, I say with all my heart that I cried my last tear yesterday. From now, all I do is trust God.
Yesterday by Mary Mary
I had enough heartache and enough headaches
I've had so many ups and downs
Don't know how much more i can take
See i decided that i cried my last tear yesterday
Either i'm going to trust you or i may as well walk away
'cause stressing don't make it better
Don't make it better, no way
See i decided that i cried my last tear yesterday
Yesterday (yesterday), i decided to put my trust in you
Yesterday (yesterday), i realized that you will being me through
There ain't nothing too hard for my god, no
Any problems that i have
He's greater than them all, so
I decided that i cried my last tear yesterday
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
On the march again
It was while waiting for my staff bus on Monday morning that I began to appreciate women who had to wait years in marriage before becoming mothers. Oh! never in my life did I ever thought I will be in my 3rd year of marriage and never have the joy of holding my child in my arms. It was never a consideration, never a prayer point as I just somehow "knew"it was going to be a breeze... or so i thought. Now I know better.
After series of test, major treatments, a nasty and life threatning miscarriage, surgeries, hsg, tubal flushing etc I gave up and stopped trying. A call through to my doctor during the festives and loving words of encouragement from loved ones made me make a turn-around and went back. So dear ones, I am on the march again.
I don't know if I qualify to talk about infertility because afterall it's been only 2 going to 3 years of trying, but those days and months of waiting for AF to show up or disappear, having to stand in church or prayer meetings for special prayers for those seeking the fruit of the womb, receiving calls from home and hearing the worries in my mothers' voice, seeing pregnant women in the streets, people bringing oils, prayer points, etc to you makes it feel like a lifetime already.
The journey has been full of ups and downs, especially when I finally had a substantive pg and then mcg'd at 24 weeks. DH says I have to be consistent in my confessions and stop being full of faith today, depressed tomorrow and I agree with him. I must stop being on a roller coaster with regards to the things I want and focus on who God is . He is sovereign and will remain the only source of all that I could ever wish for.
A friend said generals don't come cheap and I agree. I really understand what hannah was going through when she pledged to give Samuel to God if he gave her a son, and i don't have to be a veteran in the waiting room to emphatise with her.
So i began treatment again today, first the weekly injections, next plan an hsg, 3 times a day dose of bromocriptine for the excessive prolactin secretion that plagues me. Above this all I have renewed confidence in God and the full backing of my faith that through it all I will remain strong and maintain a happy life. Afterall, there are so many things to be grateful to God for. So many things. Life for instance.
I will follow closely my 3 pronged word for the year: Focus, decisive and determined. I wili probably write a journal on my journey and publish it.
After series of test, major treatments, a nasty and life threatning miscarriage, surgeries, hsg, tubal flushing etc I gave up and stopped trying. A call through to my doctor during the festives and loving words of encouragement from loved ones made me make a turn-around and went back. So dear ones, I am on the march again.
I don't know if I qualify to talk about infertility because afterall it's been only 2 going to 3 years of trying, but those days and months of waiting for AF to show up or disappear, having to stand in church or prayer meetings for special prayers for those seeking the fruit of the womb, receiving calls from home and hearing the worries in my mothers' voice, seeing pregnant women in the streets, people bringing oils, prayer points, etc to you makes it feel like a lifetime already.
The journey has been full of ups and downs, especially when I finally had a substantive pg and then mcg'd at 24 weeks. DH says I have to be consistent in my confessions and stop being full of faith today, depressed tomorrow and I agree with him. I must stop being on a roller coaster with regards to the things I want and focus on who God is . He is sovereign and will remain the only source of all that I could ever wish for.
A friend said generals don't come cheap and I agree. I really understand what hannah was going through when she pledged to give Samuel to God if he gave her a son, and i don't have to be a veteran in the waiting room to emphatise with her.
So i began treatment again today, first the weekly injections, next plan an hsg, 3 times a day dose of bromocriptine for the excessive prolactin secretion that plagues me. Above this all I have renewed confidence in God and the full backing of my faith that through it all I will remain strong and maintain a happy life. Afterall, there are so many things to be grateful to God for. So many things. Life for instance.
I will follow closely my 3 pronged word for the year: Focus, decisive and determined. I wili probably write a journal on my journey and publish it.
Monday, January 11, 2010
My heartfelt prayer
Lord, help me to show much more consideration for my husband. Respect him more and give him space to be himself. There is so many things i don't understand but Lord help me to play my part well in this union.
Amen
Amen
Monday, January 4, 2010
Friday, December 18, 2009
My 2009 Potpourri
The days i spent as a student in The Polytechnic Ibadan can best be described as an adventure. ostly i did not do those thigs i was proud of but i graduated with a distintion by my sweat - the only thing i am actally proud of! Then my friends and I had a slang for free lunches - we call it potpourri. Dictionary describes the word as a mixture of herbs used in perfumes/scent or generally a mixture of different things. For us then, it meant a filled belly - for free.
2009 was for me a year of several potpourri - I had the rudest shock of my life eary in the year when at almost 7 months gone i had a mcg that almost took my life, funny how the least expcted often happen. For months after that iwas on auto-drive.
Career change brought some joys as stagnation gave way to new friends, new tasks and better activities. I guess ifound my head while others where losing theirs.
My marriage grew older and tastes better - One of the singular most effectie part of my existence.
Finances was not necessarily better managed.
Spiritually i learnt a lot from new mentors and old ones
So how do i feel as this year gives way to a new one? Initially i couldn't wait for the year to pack up but now i have embraced the challenges as the platform upon which i mut stand to get to the next height.
2009 was for me a year of several potpourri - I had the rudest shock of my life eary in the year when at almost 7 months gone i had a mcg that almost took my life, funny how the least expcted often happen. For months after that iwas on auto-drive.
Career change brought some joys as stagnation gave way to new friends, new tasks and better activities. I guess ifound my head while others where losing theirs.
My marriage grew older and tastes better - One of the singular most effectie part of my existence.
Finances was not necessarily better managed.
Spiritually i learnt a lot from new mentors and old ones
So how do i feel as this year gives way to a new one? Initially i couldn't wait for the year to pack up but now i have embraced the challenges as the platform upon which i mut stand to get to the next height.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Day 8
Happy Anniversary to us. Had a reflective session with myself yesterday looking at the past 2 years and i asked myself one important question, Will i choose him again? The answer is a resounding YES! I will make this a yearly review but i know my answer will be the same. He has supported me in every way possible and allowed me to be me. Even though we have our differences he has not pushed himself on me but gradually teaching me ot see from his point of view. I could be caustic in my remarks sometimes but he never gets angry wit hme and whe nhe does, he forgives. My Mr. Right is really right for me. This is why my prayer for today is that God will bless him, expand his territory and make 2010 a year to remember for him. No more tears, sorrows, lack and despair. Open the flodgates of heaven for Taiwo, oh Lord.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Day 7
Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. it's been two years and our love and passion has not faded, infact it gets better and better. I thank God i married Taiwo for he is been a blessing to me. That is why my prayer today is that God will bring him into his own and never leave him stranded. He must go up, climb higher and attain his destiny this coming year. The blessings of God is due and he will receive it for himself.
Amen
Amen
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